khuioduan | A stoic mind and a bleeding heart

[In the early twilight hours of a very hot and muggy morning, there's video on the network showing nothing but a dark wall. It might be some kind of misdial, except misdials on the network in Aifaran aren't possible. A prank, maybe, but X's name is attached to the video. What kind of prankster doesn't remain anonymous?]

Can we --

[He cuts off, with a pained yelp like he just stubbed his toe on something. He's still not in frame.]

-- go to hell.

[For anyone who's known X longer than a couple of minutes, the fury in his voice, the ragged scream, even the phrasing -- all of it is so incredibly uncharacteristic that X seems to frighten even himself.]

No. No. You're all wrong. Your family was wrong, you're -- you are better than you think you are. It can't be over. Nothing is ever over, not even when -- you think you're safe, you know, you think you know what life is all about, and then you look up and there's fire in the sky over your home and you never see it again. But let's face it, who am I to lecture upon what is reality and what is myth?

[If it sounds like the haggard and broken rambling of someone who's insane, that's because it is.]

No, wait -- sorry. Sorry, I'm… I don't. I don't know.

[The camera finally moves, slowly, and X appears. He looks terrible. He looks like a child who's woken up from a night terror, drawn in and crying, desperate for help. The sight of his own face on the camera makes him stare.]

Oh.

I'm sorry. I'm -- I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I swear, I didn't mean to.

[The video cuts off there. Whether on purpose or by accident is anyone's guess.]

(OOC: It might take X a bit to respond to anyone, so please feel free to threadjack each other in the meantime!)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[It is later in the morning when the Fool discovers this message on the network--and whatever other plans he had for his morning along the lines of making himself presentable are derailed, as he instead quickly places a call to X, desperate to reach him.]

X? X, please, are you all right? Let me help you.

[He keeps the tone of his voice as calm and gentle as he can manage, but it is difficult when is own thoughts are racing in a thousand different directions. What could cause his friend to behave this way?]

[It's much later in the morning when X has the wherewithal to check what other responses his accidentally-public post might have garnered, and the Fool is one of the first. Out of habit, he moves to text -- then changes his mind and goes back to video. It's much harder to pretend he's fine when his face isn't visible, and the Fool deserves at least that much.]

Yes. Sorry, I'm --

[... he can't quite bring himself to lie.]

I will be fine. I'm sorry I scared you, Fool.

[He says the last with a smile, which isn't as much of a lie as it feels, and him makes him hesitate, looking a little confused. Is he missing something? It feels like he's missing something.]

[The Fool is the one who is certain he has missed something, though he knows better than to ask about it just yet. Instead he simply puts on a smile of his own for his friend and allows his relief to be visible; truly, he is glad to hear from him.]

Please, [he insists gently,] don't apologize. [a pause,] I imagine you don't wish to speak of what happened, but should you change your mind.. [There he trails off leadingly; it's an offer, not a request.]

[X does, in fact, want to talk about what happened. He's used to that, used to family around nearly all of the time, used to telling someone the moment he's read someone else.

But things are different here. He can't really explain what happened without also explaining he knows the secrets of others. And it's Devin's place to say something to the Fool if he wants to, not X's.

... Wait, why Devin?]

We could talk about other things. The weather, the talent contests, other Dreamfolk. I could insist on repaying you for my coat again, and you could tell me there's nothing to repay again. Anything like that. Anything would help.

[a wry laugh at that, before the Fool replies in a tone somehow dry and affectionate all at once,] Insist as you will--my answer shall not change. That coat is yours, my friend.

[a pause as he considers his response, tapping a finger against his lips. No, this is not the time to pry, though is curiosity and concern are both burning him up inside.] Well, it is perhaps not as interesting a subject as the talent tourney, but I have been meaning to arrange a small get-together at my apartment for some time. I often spend too much of my time there alone.

I should like to invite you, of course, if you are interested.

[Of course the answer doesn't change. X's expression mirrors the Fool's dry affection, and it goes a very long way to making him feel like nothing important has changed. The last 2000 years of history in his memory, yes, but nothing important.

... Oh.

For a long while, X just stares, both at the Fool and past him, lost in feelings he doesn't think are his. When he speaks, he sounds almost afraid.]

When?

[At that lingering, penetrating stare, the remnants of the Fool's smile fades, his expression shifting into one of thoughtful concern. He's not sure what it is he sees in his friend's eyes, precisely, but it worries him.

Best to answer the question, he decides.] Any time, [he says, then adds,] though you are more than welcome to visit me sooner.

[... Of course. It's too casual to have a solid date already. It's a friendly get-together, not a formal function or a heist.

2000 years of history in his memory, his sense of self subsumed by both a demon and a vampire, and here X is panicking about a good friend inviting him to a party. Something, he thinks as he bursts into laughter, is very wrong with him.]

You're wonderful.

[Whoops, still laughing. It could almost be hysterical.]

[Well at least one of them is laughing.

For his part, the Fool is shocked into slack-jawed silence, his amber eyes widening a noticeable fraction. Under other, better circumstances he'd delight in a bit of playful flirtation (if that's what this is) with a good friend--a safe friend--but under better circumstances, X would not have broadcast his breakdown across the public network. If the Fool colours a little, it's primarily due to awkwardness.]

...well I daresay that is preferable to the alternative, [he replies with a hesitant smile, but the crease to his brows is undeniable.] X, let me help you, if I can.

Okay. Take me out to dinner.

[And that, X realises abruptly, is definitely not him. Is it? The impulsiveness, perhaps, but... Devin? Valdis? He can't tell. He doesn't think these were his feelings before everything happened, but he can't for the life of him remember.

The laughter fades quickly into an awkward, ashamed silence, and X shakes his head.] Sorry. Sorry, I'm... still recovering. I don't know where my head is. [He hesitates.] But... but it's possible, that I might forget to eat.

[To the Fool's eye, who else could be making this request of him but X? His eyes widen again and for a moment only startled silence is his response. Was that--was that meant to be interpreted the way he thinks it is to be interpreted?

The apology that follows swiftly on its heels brings a modicum of relief, though the Fool's brows remain creased in uncertainty. He may be a Fool, but he is neither an idiot, nor blind. X is an attractive man; perhaps under other circumstances (circumstances where the Fool did not find himself checking his yimo in the dead of night to answer texts from a particularly recalcitrant vampire) X's interest might have been something that he could return. As it is, the fondness he feels is only the affection that one friend feels for another.

Bitterly, he suspects this must be how Fitz felt.]

Well, [he begins, taking a breath,] we cannot have you starving. That will not do. Shall I bring something over from the cafe? Perhaps enough to share with your roommates as well.

[Talking, X decides, is probably dangerous right now. Maybe -- maybe he should find an excuse to end the conversation.

Then the Fool makes his offer, and X can't, in good conscience, turn it down. He will need to eat, and... to be honest with himself, he'll need to leave the room for a little while today as well.

But not alone. He doesn't want to be alone. And the Fool... doesn't count, right now, until X works out why.]

If you could, yes. Please. But I'll meet you outside, and -- do you know Zephyr?

I do, [the Fool replies; the fellow had been exceptionally difficult to befriend, but it is not too difficult for him to envision Zephyr as X's friend as well. He seemed a steady sort.] Would you like for me to call him?

Oh, no need, he's here. [With a small smile:] He's been helping me. We can both meet you outside the Bridge, how does that sound?

A stoic mind and a bleeding heart

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