khuioduan

[ His first post is a video, because of course it is. Jack is wearing a crisp black business suit with a bright yellow tie. He is seated at a beautiful office with his window overlooking the rest of the city. ]

Handsome Jack here. Let's take a break from the rest of the mouthbreathers on this network and listen to some real shit, mmk, kiddies?

I'm gonna come right out and say it.

Khu Ioduan, you've got a bandit problem.

Now, I know no city just decides to breed a bunch of violent, psychopathic, incest-loving criminals and spread them out to cause havoc all over the other unsuspecting cityfolk...But listen. How many times has this happened to you -- You're walking down the street, and all of a sudden, some filthy fucking bandit snatches your purse? What about this one? You go to your favorite restaurant, and out of nowhere, some jerkwads start swinging their big clubs? And I mean, suuuper big clubs. Like, [ grimaces ] overcompensating big.

Why is this happening? Well, it's 'cause it's way too easy to be a dick around here! Who's protecting the shop owners, huh? The police? But do you think the police are always gonna end up at the crime scene fast? I can hear you asking -- What else should we do, Mr Handsome Jack?

Introducing the Hyperion Security Protection Package. [ He plays a video showing off the security prototypes ] Currently in-development, we'll be distributing them next month with plans to get enough to pick up at our new store location. You've got your surveillance cams, your biometric scans, your shields, and to those who can afford it, automated security bots. Why pay for a mercenary when you can have a bot that does the same shit but never gets tired? Pre-order now. Two years to pay it off, people, with the cheapest package available at one cobalt triangle every month for two years. These things are already selling like hot cakes, baby, damn! Don't be left in the dust, unprotected. Order your new security system today.

[ The feed goes back to Jack ]

Oh... and one last thing. Hyperion isn't going to end here. This is just the beginning. We're planning on expanding to more than just security systems. I'm thinking new discoveries and hotter electronics. As such, we're looking for engineers and scientists that can keep developing and perfecting Hyperion tech. There's a new era of science and technology coming to Khu Ioduan, and if you want to ride the wave of the future, stop by our building with your application. Ciao.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[It's a bit... distorted, through the yimo. Not so much of a pull as it ordinarily would be for him to be called on, either. But Kaltz can sense the grief underlying Jack's bravado. It hasn't been long enough for him to be hungry... but that day will come eventually. No one knows how to summon him here.]

...It depends on the job and the terms.

I need a man on the ground for various purposes. It wouldn't be full time. I'll call on you if I need you. Sometimes it's just delivery, sometimes messenger jobs, sometimes protection jobs, it all varies.

What terms are you willing to work with?

[...Definitely not what he'd usually be called to do. Nonetheless, survival wins out.]

We should discuss that in person.

[The video feed shuts off, and a moment later Kaltz has teleported into Jack's office.]

Sure. What time's good for --

[ ...And there he is at his office. Jack's staring at him with wide eyes as he turns off his yimo. ]

Note to self: Account for teleportation with the security systems.

Wow. You're impressive, aren't you? [ Gestures to one of the seats at his desk ] Please, sit down. Let's talk terms.

[Kaltz looks at the chair. Considers. Sits down after a moment.]

So. Terms. There's only one thing I want. In return, you'll get one day of work a week - 24 hours. The other six days remain mine.

[If Jack wants to attempt to bargain, now is the time.]

[ Bargaining, huh? Jack's good at this. He leans back in his chair, swinging it slowly from side to side. ]

Counter offer: you show up when I need you. Sometimes that'll be work intensive for a week, sometimes it'll be dry for months. Khu seems relatively peaceful enough, so I'm not gonna need you to shoot bandits 24/7. In return, I get you a nice place in town. Transportation, food, and utilities are all on Hyperion. Plus any insurance for injuries.

Now, what's the one thing you want again? You don't like money, right?

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