khuioduan

[ His first post is a video, because of course it is. Jack is wearing a crisp black business suit with a bright yellow tie. He is seated at a beautiful office with his window overlooking the rest of the city. ]

Handsome Jack here. Let's take a break from the rest of the mouthbreathers on this network and listen to some real shit, mmk, kiddies?

I'm gonna come right out and say it.

Khu Ioduan, you've got a bandit problem.

Now, I know no city just decides to breed a bunch of violent, psychopathic, incest-loving criminals and spread them out to cause havoc all over the other unsuspecting cityfolk...But listen. How many times has this happened to you -- You're walking down the street, and all of a sudden, some filthy fucking bandit snatches your purse? What about this one? You go to your favorite restaurant, and out of nowhere, some jerkwads start swinging their big clubs? And I mean, suuuper big clubs. Like, [ grimaces ] overcompensating big.

Why is this happening? Well, it's 'cause it's way too easy to be a dick around here! Who's protecting the shop owners, huh? The police? But do you think the police are always gonna end up at the crime scene fast? I can hear you asking -- What else should we do, Mr Handsome Jack?

Introducing the Hyperion Security Protection Package. [ He plays a video showing off the security prototypes ] Currently in-development, we'll be distributing them next month with plans to get enough to pick up at our new store location. You've got your surveillance cams, your biometric scans, your shields, and to those who can afford it, automated security bots. Why pay for a mercenary when you can have a bot that does the same shit but never gets tired? Pre-order now. Two years to pay it off, people, with the cheapest package available at one cobalt triangle every month for two years. These things are already selling like hot cakes, baby, damn! Don't be left in the dust, unprotected. Order your new security system today.

[ The feed goes back to Jack ]

Oh... and one last thing. Hyperion isn't going to end here. This is just the beginning. We're planning on expanding to more than just security systems. I'm thinking new discoveries and hotter electronics. As such, we're looking for engineers and scientists that can keep developing and perfecting Hyperion tech. There's a new era of science and technology coming to Khu Ioduan, and if you want to ride the wave of the future, stop by our building with your application. Ciao.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Well, this is a new approach. Most Dreamfolk didn't open with a sales pitch, but Pepper supposes that there's a first time for everything. This guy reminds her of that Sham-Wow dude, and at least for the moment that's amusing.]

Wow, you've really got it all figured out, huh? The Sentry might as well shut their doors now.

Unless, of course, you're planning on selling this stuff to those 'bandits'. Then they'll have even more trouble dealing with criminals.

Not planning on it, kiddo. If there's anything I hate more than being stranded here, it's filthy, degenerate bandits. Nothing would make me happier than wiping them off from the face of Khu Ioduan. Preferably limb from limb, but I'll take just wiping them out in general.

Edited 2018-04-18 02:28 (UTC)

...Uh. [Okay, so Jack is in favor of the use of force. Noted.] Right. Well, that's... good to hear, sort of? I mean, I'm all for stopping criminals, but there are laws and justice systems for a reason.

[Says the teenage vigilante.]

How are you going to tell who you're even selling to? 'Bandits' don't exactly wear a neon sign on their forehead.

We'll go with lawful methods for now, but I'll let you in on a little secret. Laws and justice systems look impartial on paper, but it actually only functions to protect those in power. You got that, kitten? If some written down law really is supposed to help the common man, then why do these problems persist? If the law can't protect us, theeeen [ Gestures to her, as if expecting her to continue his sentene ] we look for solutions ourselves.

That's easy. Everyone who purchases one will undergo a rigorous screening process. We'll be checking paperwork, books, and possibly other business partners for legitimacy. We'll keep identification records and biometric data of everyone, as well as manually install them at the store locations. Should they abuse Hyperion tech, we can override their systems with emergency protocols I've encrypted on the code. [ Laughs ] This isn't the first time I've tangoed with bandits, kiddo. They're sneaky, but in the end, they're just rats! They can learn how to work around poorly designed traps, but in the end, they're always gonna lose on account of all the feces and lead they eat killing all their brain cells.

[Regardless of whether Pepper can agree with Jack on the subject of laws not always living up to the ideal and that something needs to be done to protect those that can't protect themselves, the manner in which he lays out her argument is starting to make her skin crawl for some reason. She's not fond of how easily Jack is throwing around violence as a viable option; no one had the right to act as judge, jury, and executioner all in one.

But it's 'kitten' that sees her expression turn angry. Her tone is cold when she speaks.]

My name is Pepper. I am not a kitten. I am not a kid. I am an adult. I have been fighting powerful, dangerous people for years. I've fought the worst people my world has to offer; I've helped prevent aliens from invading my world but only after they ripped apart my home city. I have seen innocent people die, all before I turned eighteen. Rescuing people and fighting for real justice is my job. This isn't the first time I've tangled with bad guys, either, so don't assume you're the only one who knows what they're doing just because you've got a slick business plan and an ego the size of a small planet.

But you know what? That doesn't even matter. Calling me 'kitten', [she snarls,] is completely inappropriate and disrespectful and seriously gross. I am not a pet, and I am especially not your pet. I am a person, and I won't be treated as anything else. Call me that again - call me or anyone else anything like it again - and you're going to have to deal with the consequences. Got it?

[ Did she just --? ]

Wow! [ He breaks into loud, obnoxious laughter. ] You're really -- y-you're really pissed off, aren't you? And with one pet name? God, you must be a joy to deal with in restaurants and hair salons! Ooh, don't even try to date this one, she's gonna rip your balls off just 'cause you called her a pet name.

Noted, sweetheart.

[Pepper's growing irritation is obvious, as is Jack's needling attempt to rile her. He's doing this on on purpose, but even if she knows that it doesn't make what he's saying in any way acceptable. Her eyes narrow, and the corners of her mouth turn up into a defiant smile.]

My boyfriend's name for me is respectful, Jack. And yeah, yeah I'm pissed off. I'm pissed off that you think you can call me whatever you want and I should just accept it like it's a compliment. I'm pissed off that you don't seem to have enough decency or self-respect to not be an ass, and that you think calling me pet names is endearing. That you think you're entitled to call me anything but my name or what I say is okay. That you think because I demand to be treated respectfully that I'm some kind of man eater.

Guess what, Jack? This is what independence and strength looks like on a woman, and if you can't handle someone that calls you out on your crap, that's your problem, not mine.

[She has come a long way from the days of throwing books at people and pitching fits when she's upset. Pepper's expression shifts, a challenging sharpness emerging that she very well may have learned from Bakura.]

I don't need to rip parts of someone off to get my point across. You'll figure that out soon enough.

[Game on, Jack.]

Edited 2018-04-22 22:39 (UTC)

[ Jack, normally one to butt in, watches her deliver her heroic strong independent woman speech with wide eyes. Oh my god. He feels like he's watching one of those ECHOnet shows. When she's done, he whistles. ]

Wooooow. I gotta hand it to you. You have that self-righteous tacky hero thing down pat. For half a second there, I started missing the bandits I used to tango with. At least they had the decency to keep their lips zipped.

I don't back down from a challenge, kiddie. You want a place at the grown-up table, show me what you got. Game on.

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