Khu Ioduan

[The screen flickers to life, and a glance, one might assume the subsequent feed was accidental in nature.  After all, Oldbag looked far from 100% camera-ready.  Her grey hair was loosely rolled in soft curlers.  Her face was freshly washed, cheeks still slightly rosy.  But only slightly, having splash cold water over her skin and gently patted dry just before.  And her wardrobe consisted of...a bathrobe.  A conservative, tightly wrapped bathrobe...but man, did it look quite comfortable.]

[She was lounging back in what appeared to be some sort of recliner, her feet up and a box of chocolates in her lap.  Steam from just off-screen indicated a hot drink of some kind.  All this, combined with the content smile on her face, indicated that the broadcast was not, in fact, a mistake.  She just didn't give a hoot.]

I know what today is.  I've had many todays in the past, and the today of today was certainly no different.

[Did... that even make sense?  Don't be silly.  Of course it did.  If you couldn't keep up, that was on you.]

Young ladies and gentleman fretting over whether or not the special someone in their lives had read their mind.  Young gentleman and ladies fretting over whether or not they were successful mind readers.  Goodness knows, I've been there far more times than I care to recall.  Always a headache, all that mind reading.  Of course, I've gotten quite good at it.  Though I suppose it always helps that the lovely young men in my presence always seem the easiest to read...

But I digress.

Instead of worrying about getting on my level of reading the minds of others...listen to the advice of an old woman and read your own mind.  If you're worried no one will love you today, love yourself.  I promise you, it will be absolutely delicious!

[A pause, and she reached off screen to take a sip of tea.  Before making a slight face.]

I retract my previous statement.

The chocolates are delicious.  The tea...I've had better.

 [There is a slight jostling of the screen upon activation.  A slightly diagonal and mostly upside-down view of the surrounding area, before the screen was pulled back, revealing an elderly woman with a furrowed brow and pursed lips.  She appeared to be inspecting the hand-held device given to her, and while adapting to new technologies was not quite beyond her skill set...after a pause, she relaxed just enough to indicate paranoia as her motivator rather than confusion.]

Good.  It seems to be working just as they said.  

[A moment to clear her throat, before she puts on a "professional" air, her tone steady and her words spoken with conviction.]

If anyone can hear me, my name is Wendy Oldbag, and I'd like to report a kidnapping.  Specifically, my own.  [She paused just long enough to look around her, clearly dissatisfied by what she saw.]  I recognize none of the landmarks, but if the names Aifaran and Quayside mean anything, that should alert the proper authorities to where they've taken me.  Though not before attempting to silence me with a pitiful amount of cash and this hand-held "yimi" thingamajiggy.

[A scoff]

Their mistake.  Nothing and no one can silence me!  And you can be sure I'll have my darling Edgey-poo add bribery to the list of charges when he prosecutes these no-good kidnappers.  Oh, the look on his face when he sees me again.  I'm sure he's very worried about me.  Which is why the local authorities need to hurry up.  I need to be back at work trying to fix the Hotel's reputation after that awful murder case.

[She paused, and one last thought came to mind:]

...you know, it wouldn't surprise me in the least if that awful Engarde was behind this.  I'm sure he wanted revenge for my invaluable assistance in getting him convinced.